Kate Miller
Twenty-Third Birthday Party
February 20th, 2023

Someone recently told me that February 20th is a weird birthday. I’m about to have my twenty-third one.

As in, I am turning 22 years old, and thus celebrating the twenty-third February 20th that I have been alive. I am entering my 23rd year of life (many people have been confused by this, but I stand by my logic; I am looking forward).

As such, my party will be “23” themed.

The party will be 23 minutes long, and it will have two iterations.

Each iteration will include 23 people. There will be 22 partygoers in attendance and myself. We will spend much of the party in a circle on the floor. The only aural element of the work will be the sounds of participants completing the assigned tasks, and any chatter that comes along with this. There will be no music or background sounds. 

Each of the 23 minutes will consist of a different activity for myself and the attendees. A large digital clock will alert participants and myself that it is time to move on to the next activity. I ask that participants please stop doing the designated activity immediately when the minute ends, and promptly move to the next activity. If you finish the activity before the minute ends, please do not do anything other than the prescribed activity during the remaining time.

The one-minute activities will be as follows:
  1. Put on party hats
  2. Blow up balloons
  3. Throw confetti
  4. Write birthday cards: each participant will be given a drugstore-bought
    birthday card selected by me on which they can write to me. The motivation for this activity is not to prompt flattery from my guests. I would like you to write whatever comes to mind in the moment of writing and it need not be related to me or my birthday at all. It can be poetry, prose, non-grammatical, or completely nonsensical (in fact, I encourage this). All I ask is that participants write words (any language is fine). Beyond that, I will not constrain your writing. 
  5. Dance
  6. Sing “Happy Birthday”
  7. Blow out candles
  8. Deliberate on and then make a wish silently with eyes closed
  9. Pop balloons
  10. Eat slices of cheese pizza (pies will be cut into sixteenths). Participants need not finish their slice in under a minute, of course. You are welcome to eat as much or as little as you would like, at any speed that is comfortable.
  11. Pop Ramune bottles. The activity for this minute is only the act of popping the bottles.
  12. Eat cake. Participants need not finish their slice in under a minute, of course. You are welcome to eat as much or as little as you would like, at any speed that is comfortable.
  13. Drink Ramune
  14. Give gifts to me: Each participant will bring an item that they wish to discard and gift it to me, such that I will receive 22 unwanted items.
  15. Smear icing on your nose with your finger for good luck (one of my aunts used to encourage the child whose birthday we were celebrating to smear the part of the cake that had their name on it with their finger and put the icing on their nose. For obvious reasons this is impractical and unhygienic, but I think each person doing so with any bit of icing from their slice of cake is an appropriate amended version).
  16. Birthday punches: each participant will be invite to give me one punch on the arm, and I will give myself the 23rd punch, for good luck.I hope I will not be punched too hard.
  17. Give me Birthday Cards
  18. Anticipate the piñata: all participants will line up in front of the piñata. Nobody will hit it.
  19. Drink more Ramune (still in line)
  20. Hit the piñata: one hit per person using a yellow wiffle ball bat. I’m not sure that each person will have time to hit the piñata in a single minute, but I’m not too concerned about that. In my family, we always hit piñata with a yellow wiffle ball bat. I don’t know why. It wasn’t a particularly effective tool; more often than not the children would not break open the piñata on our own and one of the bigger stronger uncles would pull it to the floor and open it with their hands. This may be necessary during the party as well (though I will not be inviting any of my uncles).
  21. Scramble frantically for candy on the floor; I like to think the experience on which this instruction is based is universal and self-explanatory. I hope it is.
  22. Goodie bags: I will bring 22 items of my own, 1 for each person in each party iteration, to let go of. Each participant will leave with one of these items as their goodie bag. These items will vary in size and value (sentimental and monetary). I will not be purchasing anything new for the goodie bags, these will all be items I have personally collected and lived with. I will decide in the moment which item will go to which person.
  23. Say goodbye and thank you to the host (me). Each person does so personally and individually. This is meant to be ironic. Hopefully it is taken that way. It is inspired by the time at the end of a childhood birthday party when the goodie bags have been given out and your mom is there to pick you up and you’re tired and ready to leave because you’re 7 so you’re also very shy and your mom forces you to go to the child whose birthday it is and their parents and say thank you and goodbye because it’s polite and important to thank people. 

This party is a group performance; it is a meditation on childhood birthday rituals.

All my love,
Kate

Photographs by Emily Lord.